dream poems pt 1

Yesterday I had a dream

I jumped from place to place

At will

It was amazing

I knew it was a dream

Just enough to manipulate

Places and people

The water helped me change

From place to place

Sink to the bottom

And wait

Then a new world I am in

I control who goes where

Who trusts me

Who does not

Who chases me out of spite

Then I run from them

Like a child playing tag

Not wanting to be caught

Knowing no harm will come

From it anyway

I can fly

I can soar

Friends don’t believe

Because I want them to not

So I show them

And they are astounded

Then into the pond

And away I go

Next time a dancer

A mermaid

A ghost

Never having a set plan

But having the time of my life

anyway

                                                                                

This morning I had a dream

In this dream, we were on a field trip

Rest stop

There was a restaurant

There was an angry old man

Everyone there let him have his way

Then we got our food and found a table

Our table was full so I sat a table back

Then this boy the table behind

Started talking to me

He was cute

He wanted to know my name

So I told him

Then went to sit with him

I asked his name

He said something along the lines

Of Bartholomew

Which is an odd name to say the least

Then Eli was trying to get me away

From him but I just told her

That he was a magic prince

From the past

And not to ask me how I knew

That I just did know

And she should trust me

Then he and I went on a short walk

He told me he had magic

And I did too

It had something to do with crystals

I didn’t believe him

When I tried to copy what he did

All I got was failure

But yet he believed in me

And so did all the people

In the village

So I kept trying

And didn’t give up

Just because they believed.

So Lost

Guys. They are so confusing. They pretend to like you, and text you all the time, and invite you over to hang out and play video games, then after a while, they kiss you. Once they do that, they do one of three things. Either they continue talking to you, as friends, like nothing happened, they want to be your boyfriend (which hardly happens), or they completely ignore you and all attempts to communicate with them for at least a week afterward. I mean, it's not like I have to be in a relationship to kiss boys, its just that i would prefer to. And when I start talking to boys and flirting with them, that should be and obvious enough hint that i like them and would like to at least attempt a relationship.
Then there's this whole age issue. People seem to find it strange when I like guys who are younger than me. I have always gotten along better with people younger than me, it is just who I am. When I am around people older than me, it makes me feel uncomfortable, being as they most likely are more experienced in relationships and just talking to people in general. I have tried talking to and flirting with older guys. They never understand my intentions, thinking for some stupid reason that I must just want to fool around with them for a while. NO. This is not what I mean. Not in the least. Younger guys seem to understand this more for some reason.
I would love to find a guy who is funny, who likes similar things, who is easy to talk to, and doesn't expect more from me than I am willing to give. Even if that just means that he would be a friend. I could go to him for advice and there are things that girls just don't understand and guys do (video games for example).
Then there are these high school guys who keep talking/texting to me. They seem interested in me, and one even asked me to prom. Sort of. He seems very confused and doesn't exactly want a girlfriend older than him, even though he says I am a great person.
Society's unwritten rules of age differences in relationships really bug me. Guys don't want to date older girls usually, and girls are supposed to fall for older guys. Trying to go against that is a very complex process that I don't quite understand. I mean, if the age difference works for guys and younger girls, why not for girls and younger guys?
Sigh. I guess I really don't have much else to say except I wish some guy would just understand me and realise that I do, in fact, want a relationship. And a relationship to me does not just immediately jump to making out and fooling around. A relationship should be just understanding and talking to one another, and maybe kisses. Yes, kisses are nice. And after a long time of being together, then maybe, maybe a bit more than that.
Am I wrong to think the way I do? Am I stuck with hopeless teen romance ideas? Will I ever find someone who just wants to love me for me and be loved in return? Because really, I do just want someone to care about.

boys.

so last weekend, i was hanging out with my friends and we were watching movies. it was great. i saw the phantom of the opera for the first time ever. then we watched several fantasia movies and stayed up til 5:30 am. it was seriously the most fun i had had in a while.
now it is spring break. and its not even really spring yet. tho it did rain the other day. its been snowing more and it is depressing me. i really really hate snow. i miss the sounds of rain against the windows. it is not much of a spring break if there's still snow on the ground!
so. now im stuck inside, with my crazy family. and i dont even know what to do with myself. i mean, sure i have homework to do. but i want to hang out with people. thing is, everyone is far away. especially the people (boys) i cant seem to get my mind off of. i know i only talked to him a few times, but he's so great and well. i dont know. i just am obsessing. like i do about every single guy ive ever had a crush on. hmm. one of these days ill get one to stay for a while. i just need to figure out how. i think he likes me too. he really seemed to. but he's always got work to do and projects and its crazy, even though he's a senior he is going to stay an extra year to finish up classes for his double majors. so i still potentially have a year to hang with him before life takes us our separate ways or whatever. he hasnt talked to me much lately, im so not sure if he likes me or not. i wish i could just know for once. just know what people think of me. that would be great.
thats the thing about college. finding out who i am, and getting other people to like me for who i am as well. im working on it, and one of these days i will figure it all out. hopefully.