dream poems pt 1

Yesterday I had a dream

I jumped from place to place

At will

It was amazing

I knew it was a dream

Just enough to manipulate

Places and people

The water helped me change

From place to place

Sink to the bottom

And wait

Then a new world I am in

I control who goes where

Who trusts me

Who does not

Who chases me out of spite

Then I run from them

Like a child playing tag

Not wanting to be caught

Knowing no harm will come

From it anyway

I can fly

I can soar

Friends don’t believe

Because I want them to not

So I show them

And they are astounded

Then into the pond

And away I go

Next time a dancer

A mermaid

A ghost

Never having a set plan

But having the time of my life

anyway

                                                                                

This morning I had a dream

In this dream, we were on a field trip

Rest stop

There was a restaurant

There was an angry old man

Everyone there let him have his way

Then we got our food and found a table

Our table was full so I sat a table back

Then this boy the table behind

Started talking to me

He was cute

He wanted to know my name

So I told him

Then went to sit with him

I asked his name

He said something along the lines

Of Bartholomew

Which is an odd name to say the least

Then Eli was trying to get me away

From him but I just told her

That he was a magic prince

From the past

And not to ask me how I knew

That I just did know

And she should trust me

Then he and I went on a short walk

He told me he had magic

And I did too

It had something to do with crystals

I didn’t believe him

When I tried to copy what he did

All I got was failure

But yet he believed in me

And so did all the people

In the village

So I kept trying

And didn’t give up

Just because they believed.

So Lost

Guys. They are so confusing. They pretend to like you, and text you all the time, and invite you over to hang out and play video games, then after a while, they kiss you. Once they do that, they do one of three things. Either they continue talking to you, as friends, like nothing happened, they want to be your boyfriend (which hardly happens), or they completely ignore you and all attempts to communicate with them for at least a week afterward. I mean, it's not like I have to be in a relationship to kiss boys, its just that i would prefer to. And when I start talking to boys and flirting with them, that should be and obvious enough hint that i like them and would like to at least attempt a relationship.
Then there's this whole age issue. People seem to find it strange when I like guys who are younger than me. I have always gotten along better with people younger than me, it is just who I am. When I am around people older than me, it makes me feel uncomfortable, being as they most likely are more experienced in relationships and just talking to people in general. I have tried talking to and flirting with older guys. They never understand my intentions, thinking for some stupid reason that I must just want to fool around with them for a while. NO. This is not what I mean. Not in the least. Younger guys seem to understand this more for some reason.
I would love to find a guy who is funny, who likes similar things, who is easy to talk to, and doesn't expect more from me than I am willing to give. Even if that just means that he would be a friend. I could go to him for advice and there are things that girls just don't understand and guys do (video games for example).
Then there are these high school guys who keep talking/texting to me. They seem interested in me, and one even asked me to prom. Sort of. He seems very confused and doesn't exactly want a girlfriend older than him, even though he says I am a great person.
Society's unwritten rules of age differences in relationships really bug me. Guys don't want to date older girls usually, and girls are supposed to fall for older guys. Trying to go against that is a very complex process that I don't quite understand. I mean, if the age difference works for guys and younger girls, why not for girls and younger guys?
Sigh. I guess I really don't have much else to say except I wish some guy would just understand me and realise that I do, in fact, want a relationship. And a relationship to me does not just immediately jump to making out and fooling around. A relationship should be just understanding and talking to one another, and maybe kisses. Yes, kisses are nice. And after a long time of being together, then maybe, maybe a bit more than that.
Am I wrong to think the way I do? Am I stuck with hopeless teen romance ideas? Will I ever find someone who just wants to love me for me and be loved in return? Because really, I do just want someone to care about.

boys.

so last weekend, i was hanging out with my friends and we were watching movies. it was great. i saw the phantom of the opera for the first time ever. then we watched several fantasia movies and stayed up til 5:30 am. it was seriously the most fun i had had in a while.
now it is spring break. and its not even really spring yet. tho it did rain the other day. its been snowing more and it is depressing me. i really really hate snow. i miss the sounds of rain against the windows. it is not much of a spring break if there's still snow on the ground!
so. now im stuck inside, with my crazy family. and i dont even know what to do with myself. i mean, sure i have homework to do. but i want to hang out with people. thing is, everyone is far away. especially the people (boys) i cant seem to get my mind off of. i know i only talked to him a few times, but he's so great and well. i dont know. i just am obsessing. like i do about every single guy ive ever had a crush on. hmm. one of these days ill get one to stay for a while. i just need to figure out how. i think he likes me too. he really seemed to. but he's always got work to do and projects and its crazy, even though he's a senior he is going to stay an extra year to finish up classes for his double majors. so i still potentially have a year to hang with him before life takes us our separate ways or whatever. he hasnt talked to me much lately, im so not sure if he likes me or not. i wish i could just know for once. just know what people think of me. that would be great.
thats the thing about college. finding out who i am, and getting other people to like me for who i am as well. im working on it, and one of these days i will figure it all out. hopefully.

Winter Wonderland.

Today my friend and I decided it would be a nice idea to just go for a walk to find a restaurant to eat at, rather than dig her car out of the giant piles of snow it was buried in. It was around 8 or 9 o'clock so there were hardly any people around, and by people, I mean people in cars. Nobody but us was out walking. The way the world was all dark and it was snowing that special glitter-sparkly snow made it feel almost magical outside. I normally don't fancy the cold, but I was just ecstatic! I was dancing through the snow and singing and not caring about anything. It was the best I've felt in ages. After a while, we ended up at Taco Bell and ate our food while occasionally glancing at the tv, which was playing the superbowl. Neither of us are big football fans, but it gave us something to do. When we were done the guy clearing our tables complimented us on our way out, and it made me smile. I was back to singing again, and this time, I took it a step further. Or many steps, really. I started prancing through the knee-deep snow and climbing the snow-plowed piles. It actually took a lot of energy, but despite my lack of energy, I just couldn't stop; playing in the snow was much too fun. I made snow angels and made hearts in the snow with my footprint trails and just overall acted like a small child seeing snow for the first time. This was the first time in a long, long time that I have gone out in the snow with the intention not of getting anywhere in time for anything, but just to play around and have an adventure. Tonight was amazing. : )

Stories.

Yesterday I had to save my parents and friends from evil german trolls in the mountains. They were being held captive in the giant crazy cave system underneath the castle. I had to cause a diversion by lighting the trolls' library on fire and setting the pet shop's snakes loose on the guards (they hated snakes). Eventually I got into the dungeon and rescued my family and friends, and escorted them to safety hidden in the giant field across the street. Then I went back for the troll king. He wanted to marry me and have me be his queen, but I would not stand for the way he tried to get me to do so. So I called the police to come and arrest him. They arrested the evil king and I became known as a hero among the people of the area.

Then, after that, I obtained a strange ipod-looking device from the future. With it, I could take pictures of anyone, including myself, and then type in another name. The name could be of anyone, real or fictional, and it would transform the picture into that person, in the same pose and setting. It was amazing. Next thing I knew, the person I had taken a picture of actually looked like the character whose name I had typed in. It was the most fun I had had in ages, transforming people into fictional characters, complete with the voices to go along with it. I then turned myself into one of my beloved book characters and had a great time.


Today, I was practicing magic with my grandmother on her deck in the backyard facing the forest. I was learning how to do spells and move things with my mind. It was so fun to know that I had that kind of power at last. Suddenly, I heard the most beautiful voice I had ever heard calling out music from deep within the forest. I looked as hard as I could for the source of the voice, but could not find it. I was about to ask my grandmother what it was, when a beautiful female centaur burst out of the forest with her strikingly light blonde hair flowing behind her. The horse half was the whitest white I had ever seen. She smiled at me from where she stood, and started to sing a melody I recognized. With no other thought in my mind, I joined in the song, making a startlingly beautiful harmony with the centaur. When the song was over, the centaur left, leaving me with a wonderful feeling in my heart. My grandmother said that centaurs often do not show themselfs to those such as us, let alone share with us their unique singing talents. I was in awe.





Ok, so these are not real stories of course, but they are bits of dreams I had recently. Just thought I would share them with you guys and see if they really are as entertaining and strange as I thought they were in the first place. :D

My weekend in a Nutshell

All weekend, including Friday, I was in my room sleeping mostly. Yep. Thats about it. Oh, and then, I went to this fake and drug-free Rave thing. And I had glowsticks and epicness. And there was techno/electronica music and glow in the dark stuff and black lights and no strobe lights suprisingly enough. Then I went to Taco Bell! and then to a friend's house and we chilled and watched videos and stuff online and it was waaaayyy too early/late in the morning to think straight. Then I got home and I slept until 4pm. Yeah. so most of my weekend was sleeping and more sleeping, and watching youtube videos and sleeping some more. and a rave. but mostly sleep. i <3 sleep!

ps. i got absolutely nothing done this weekend. i sat in my room staring blankly at computer/tv screens and could not ever convince myself to do anything productive. OMG THE MATRIX IS ON! yeah so i am off to be even less productive!!!

Sad day of realization.

Today, I heard that one of my classmates that I had gone to high school with had died in a car accident. It was not someone I particularly knew well, nor someone I had even really had a long conversation with, but still I felt the loss. He was a wonderful person who knew how to make people laugh, and he brightened many a person's day on a several occasions.
He was like a lightning bolt - showy, spectacular, awestriking, and sadly only here for a short while. It seems strange to me that I should feel so inclined to write things about a person I hardly knew personally, but it is also strange that someone that I have talked to, one of my peers I saw on an every day basis in the past, is gone from us now.
It really does make you realize how quickly the hand of death can stike. We know how it slowly creeps on all of us, threatening to reach us eventually, but sometimes it hit lightning fast when and where we least expect it.
I do not mean for this to be a sad post, only a thoughful one. Realise that you need to live in the moment. Tomorrow might not always be here. The world can end when you least expect it. And all those other cliches that always make much too much sense.
I guess my moral of the story, if moral it must have, would be to not be afraid of the future. Work hard toward your goals and do not be afraid to ask out the attractive girl/guy you see every day. With no more ideas of un-cliched things to leave you with, I shall leave with this: Carpe Diem--Sieze the Day.