I realize, as I do every time I log on, that I only blog when I am depressed. Or upset. Or just feeling strange.
Anyway, about 22 days ago, I met this wonderful guy. We get along so well and he is so freaking romantic it is adorable. He makes me food when I am hungry, encourages me to be my best, and I honestly think that all of this awesomeness is making me fall for him. Hard. I have never felt this way before, no matter how cliche that may sound, and I am not quite sure this will even last, but almost every fiber of my being is hoping that it will. This is not just a relationship for the hell of being in one, this guy actually makes me feel like myself and like he is himself all the time with me. There are no lies, no secrets, and we are both much too nice to each other, if only because we care.
I was searching on his facebook page (oh how I am hating facebook lately) and I noticed he had a date with a girl just a month before he first asked me out. Is it just me and my lack of relationship knowledge, or is that pretty soon? He keeps saying that I am amazing and how it is so strangely wonderful that he can just be himself around me and I just adore him all the same. He also was engaged before, and has had many girls for a year or so after they broke it off. I understand that now he is different. I am young and naive though, and I don't want to be taken advantage though. So. Should I stay with him and believe what my heart believes, or should I go with what my mind says?
My heart and mind have always been on conflicting sides, my heart just falling so quickly for people, and my mind telling me every flaw, every downfall, every possible way it could go wrong. I am so sick of listening to what my mind tells me. I know that I just don't want to be hurt, again, but really, what harm is there in just being with somebody who makes me happy?
On a completely unrelated topic, somewhat, I wonder who I am turning into lately. My younger self would hate me, but my current self is enjoying every minute of my personality lately. Though I could do without the sudden and inexplicable bouts of depression. Oh well.
Farewell everyone, my laptop is going to die soon and I left my charger at my friend's house.
Well Olivia, I don't know what you should do. Life is complicated enough without trying to give advice to someone and having it mess with their life as well. Who am I kidding? I have to give advice.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you feel that he is the real deal, than stay with him. There's nothing wrong with your feelings, and he could be the right one. The most important thing is to know your reasons for what you do, so if things don't turn out like you planned, you can at least look yourself in the eye and say "I made the right choice."
As for his past, I wouldn't be overly concerned if I were you. Everyone dates. Very, very few people in this life marry the first person they date without dating anyone else. It's natural to be concerned, but remember that it's what everyone does at some point in their lives.
As for your dilemma of personality, it sounds like you are supposing your younger self was smarter than your current self. If that's true, it certainly brakes tradition and you might want to take a closer look at it. But as we grow older, naturally we grow wiser. Also, our priorities change. If I listened to my younger self, I would still be covering the guy I like in glitter when he's not looking, instead of having a conversation with him. When it comes down to it, you have to know your priorities and goals, and do what it takes to make it through.
Good luck.